Ostensibly

Drunken Conversation w/ G

“they’re having an easter egg hunt.”

“With no eggs.”

“an eggless egg hunt.”

“better than a legless children hunt.”

“I guess they could have a legless children roll.”

Speak Up

I love to eavesdrop. This goes well with one of my other favorite pastimes, gossiping. I could eavesdrop and gossip all day, and in fact, probably have spent many a Sunday alternating between sitting quietly, pretending I'm not listening and blabbing loud enough for all to hear.

So, you can imagine my delight after stumbling across this website.

Crazy Cat

If you have a cat, and want them to claw you mercilessly, you should buy this Catnip Banana.

Tia freaked out and tore my arms to shreds on St. Patty's day. Granted I was tipsy/semi-drunk, and yes....Stella was staring at her, but REALLY....that was completely uncalled for. So I'm blaming it on the banana, because it's like a drug, and it makes her crazy.

I Miss Girls....

So I live with all boys now, and I can't borrow tampons or makeup from any of them. They won't help me straighten my hair, and they don't have any great tips for beauty treatments, (see this DIY Aspirin Mask which I can't wait to try). They don't gossip, shop or giggle. They do light their farts, talk about porn sites and stink up the bathroom.

It didn't hit me until yesterday that this is the way things are now. Maybe it's my period, or maybe it's the rain, but I have this urge to go home and kick them all out just to have a slumber party.

If you're looking for stories from me and Dana's trip....

...you can read what Dana wrote. I don't know how she remembers all this stuff, but somehow she's got the whole story rolling around in that blond dome of hers. Also, her version is much kinder than mine, which would read something like....."today another loser with poor hygiene and no sense tried to speak with me." As amusing as that might be, I'll leave the reminiscing to my kinder half, and let Dana tell the story.

One of the best things about working in healthcare....

...is that I can read about unusual disorders from my company's homepage. The following is one of my favorites ....I swear I know at least 10 people who have these symptons, (you know who you are).

National Organization for Rare Disorders, Inc. Synonyms Kleine-Levin Hibernation Syndrome Familial Hibernation Syndrome Periodic Somnolence and Morbid Hunger Disorder

Kleine-Levin syndrome is a rare disorder characterized by the need for excessive amounts of sleep (hypersomnolence), (i.e., up to 20 hours a day); excessive food intake (compulsive hyperphagia); and an abnormally uninhibited sexual drive. The disorder primarily affects adolescent males. When awake, affected individuals may exhibit irritability, lack of energy (lethargy), and/or lack of emotions (apathy). They may also appear confused (disoriented) and experience hallucinations.

Symptoms of Kleine-Levin Syndrome are cyclical. An affected individual may go for weeks or months without experiencing symptoms. When present, symptoms may persist for days to weeks. In some cases, the symptoms associated with Kleine-Levin syndrome eventually disappear with advancing age. However, episodes may recur later during life. The exact cause of Kleine-Levin syndrome is not known. However, researchers believe that in some cases, the disorder may be inherited as an autosomal dominant genetic trait. It is thought that symptoms of Kleine-Levin syndrome may be related to malfunction of the portion of the brain that helps to regulate functions such as sleep, appetite, and body temperature (hypothalamus).

For additional information and assistance about rare disorders, please contact the National Organization for Rare Disorders at web site www.rarediseases.org or email orphan@rarediseases.org

Last Updated: 10/30/2003 Copyright 1996, 1997, 2001, 2003 National Organization for Rare Disorders, Inc.

Return From the Middle East....

What can I say.... I laughed, I cried, I feared for my life.

Never have I taken a vacation more stressful than this one. Three countries, (Israel, Jordan and Egypt) in ten days. Below are some notes/advice which I may elaborate on in the future.

Israel

This place is soooo NOTdangerous. I feel stupid for having been freaked out about going. It is beautiful, inexpensive and convenient, I will definitely visit again.

Jordan

We went on a day trip to Petra. Our tour guide Ali sounded just like Borat AKA AliG. The surroundings were stunning with red rock and bluffs, (kind of had a New Mexico vibe). It was very beautiful, and aside from the folks trying to sell us silver/rocks/camel rides....proved to be a wonderful day trip.

Egypt

I pretty much hated Egypt. I feel bad saying that, as the Egyptians were tremendously concerned that we "have fun" while in their country. I've made a brief list of things I disliked...

• Everything smells like gasoline. Not just cars, but cafes and street corners. Dana asked someone at a cafe about this...and he answered that they had just cleaned the place.....with gasoline??!!
• The food was indigestible. I had some soup the first day, and was completely nauseous within hours. For four days, we ate french fries and Koshari, which you can only get in take-out form.
• The tourist police can't read/speak english, and like to go through your bags. Their favorite things to pull out of your bags are your dirty underwear. They also look at your Passport for several minutes, while mumbling to each other and looking at your underwear. They're aggressive and obnoxious...
• If you have to go to the bathroom, you may be squatting in a hole...with no toilet paper. When the hole is full people just poop on the floor next to the hole. That's pretty much the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.
• If you're not wearing a headscarf and a sweater, (mind you...it's like 85 degrees outside) people stare at you.... mouth agape and proceed to drop what they're holding.
• Women cannot smoke or drink in public. When they go swimming, they must be fully clothed, including a headscarf. I could go on and on about the woman thing....suffice to say my American sensibilities are not in line with Egyptian culture.
• Muslim men are like 5th grade boys when it comes to girls. They try desperately to hit on you with all the charm of a Junior High kid. The difference here is that they are men....not as easily ignored as young boys. They try to touch your face, your hair etc. and repeat lines like.."I miss you like the deserts miss the rain".
• When Egyptian store owners see Americans, they see dollar signs. Shai (tea) for the table next to you costs half of what you will be asked to pay. This forces you to always be establishing the cost of things before you sit down, even if the price is posted.
• Egypt Time means you may or may not get to your destination. We completely missed out on going to Alexandria as our guide was on Egypt time. We got to Giza and saw the pyramids.....however it was quite late and we had to ride horses instead of walk (don't worry...we paid extra for that). Speaking of horses...there was a dead one on the way to the pyramids. It should be gone soon however, as the wild dogs were fighting over the entrails as we passed.
• People don't have pets. If there are dogs on the property, it's only for protection. This means that when you come to people's houses, you have to ready some rocks to throw at the dogs so that you can get to their front door. BYOR...

I regret not having enjoyed Egypt more. I had high hopes for my travel there, and in fact, had sought out the small town of Ismailia as it would allow me to see how locals lived. Needless to say, I won't be making that mistake again.